Adult Relationships with Parents
The relationship between parents and their children, as they become adults, is a unique one. It can be filled with love, support, and understanding, but there can also be challenges that come with the transition from child to adult. It’s important to remember that as an adult, you want to create a relationship with your parents that is based on mutual respect, boundaries, being intentional, and expectations.
Establishing respect is a solid foundation for this adult-child-parent relationship dynamic, meaning that there is mutual respect that is held toward each other, not just the child respecting the parent. There is a shift that occurs when we grow into an adult where the parent is less of a parental figure who disciplines and constantly monitors their children and more of the support to the adult as they navigate life on their own. Hopefully, the skills that have been taught and learned can best help them do life well and find success. This is optimally developed over a period of time as we grow from our early teen years into adulthood, given certain responsibilities and opportunities to gain that respect.
It can also be helpful to keep in mind that parents are people too. They have their own goals, dreams and struggles. Allowing them to share these with you and inviting them to be part of your life can help build a stronger connection and foster a more adult relationship. Family therapy can help too!
In this transition from child-parent relationship into adulthood is the establishment of boundaries, which can be placed on a variety of things such as:
Topics that are appropriate for discussion, as we start to develop our own values, views, and ideas our parents may not see eye-to-eye with us. Are they able to discuss these differences with an open mind? If not, have an exit strategy for the conversation or take these topics off the table.
Time invested in the relationship, our lives are busy and there has to be boundaries set around how much time we share but that also means being intentional with the time we spend with parents and taking time to reach out. This door swings both ways and like any relationship takes effort from everyone involved.
Parenting style with grandchildren, this is commonly a space where parents will become more involved than we are comfortable with and it is important to set boundaries in this area. Just as was mentioned earlier, we are all our own people and it is our responsibility to parent our own children and for us to communicate to our parents how much or how little support we need and how involved we want them to be.
No matter what the boundaries are, it is important to be clear and concise about what you are comfortable with and what you want to set. It’s also important to communicate these boundaries to your parents in a respectful way, try to be mindful of language and be intentional about how you communicate these needs and desires with your parents. This can help avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
One of the most important aspects of having an adult relationship with your parents is maintaining open communication. It is important to be honest and open about your feelings, but also listen to what your parents have to say. This can help build a sense of understanding and trust between you both. As an adult, we take responsibility for our own decisions and actions, there is less of an expectation on our parents to dictate our life or always be there to make decisions for us.
Relationships take time and effort to cultivate, this is where quality time comes in. Spending quality time together like going for walks or having them over for dinner are some activities that will help create a stronger bond between you both and help cultivate a more adult relationship. Be intentional in the conversations you have, be open and honest if you can. We know there are many of us who have strained relationships with our parents and the intentionality should come from both sides. All we can do is what we can to make our effort and be accepting when we see effort being made for us as well.
Do you have a challenging relationship with someone in your life that you need help processing through? Maybe you want to have hard conversations about hurt, trust, or disappointment but aren’t sure what to say or where to go from here. We know relationships aren’t always easy and we want to support you while you work through this, at Discover Hope we offer Individual, Couple and Family counseling for whatever needs you have in your life. Healing begins with hope, let’s discover it together.