Discovering Love After a Divorce or Break-up

Love is a powerful emotion that can be a source of joy and fulfillment for many people. But when relationships end, it can be difficult to move on and find new love. After a divorce or break-up, it’s important to take time to heal, invest in non-romantic relationships, focus on self-love, and be open to finding new love. Here are some tips for celebrating love after a divorce or break-up.

Allow Time to Heal

Once a relationship ends, whatever the circumstance, it is important to give yourself time to heal. This time you give yourself should have no limit or requirement, however, it does take a lot of reflection and may prove to be challenging as it uses a lot of our emotional and mental energy. This is essential for your well-being and may be beneficial to the next relationship you have, as it creates a new foundation. During this time, consider reflecting on and acknowledging where you're at and where you want to be before you put yourself back out there romantically. Here are a few examples of questions you might revisit throughout this time…

1. What have I done for myself during this time without a partner?

2. How can I keep self-care a priority?

3. Am I able to be vulnerable with someone again and fully trust them?

4. What are you looking for in a partner?

Consider things that are deal-breakers in a relationship, especially when you leave a relationship that lasted a relatively long time, the loss can feel more deep. This is also part of why the time spent is relative since all of our relationships vary in time, commitment, connection, and so on. Take time to reflect on the relationship and move through the grief process. It’s important to recognize that healing doesn’t happen overnight and it’s ok to take time to grieve the loss.

Invest in Non-Romantic Relationships

Having a support system is crucial in all factors of life, so consider surrounding yourself with friends and family that can provide helpful and consistent support. Investing in your non-romantic relationships is important even when you have a romantic partner, however, it becomes especially important after a divorce, break-up, or loved one passing. Focus on strengthening and deepening the relationships you already have, as it will help make for a much less painful recovery process and will fill your life with more joy and laughter.

Practice Self-Love

First, take a moment to think about what self-care looks like for you as it is different for many of us and it will fill us up much more if it is what we want, not what is common for others. Investing time and energy into hobbies for example is a great way to lift ourselves up, especially after a separation. Oftentimes in relationships we might sacrifice our needs over those of other people, particularly those we love. While we want there to be an investment in ourselves while in relationships too, when we are dedicating ourselves to our own needs before getting into a new relationship it can make us happier and healthier versions of ourselves that can actually benefit our relationships too. Take time to do things that make you feel good, like taking a walk in nature, reading a book, or spending time with a pet. Try your best to pay close attention to your physical, mental, and emotional needs. Part of self-love is reminding yourself that you are worthy of love, and hopefully getting to a place where you truly believe that to be true. Knowing your worth is important when we consider our future partners, we want to be valued and treated in a way we know we deserve. But if we don’t feel we deserve that quality love and affection, we are less likely to get it.

Be Open to Finding New Love

Finally, it’s important to be open to finding new love. This may mean taking some time to get to know yourself better and creating a list of qualities that you’re looking for in a partner. If and when you are ready, it’s ok to start dating again. Remember that it is common to feel emotions of fear, anxiety, and self-doubt when putting ourselves out there, so pace yourself and take things slow. Part of why it is important to take things slow when you re-enter the dating-world is protecting yourself, we don’t need to quickly convince someone why we are worth dating. If we are compatible with someone it will work out, rushing this process could lead to more heartbreak as we might let people in too quickly. Start small with sharing hobbies and interests, saving those heart to heart conversations to sprinkle into the relationship as it unfolds and the bond deepens.

Celebrating love after a divorce or break-up can be a challenging process. It’s important to allow time to heal, invest in non-romantic relationships, practice self-love, and be open to finding new love. By taking the time to focus on these elements, you can begin to celebrate love again. Seeking help in this process of healing from the end of a relationship and eventually looking for love again can be helpful and often offers reassurance as we embark on this journey, and we can help with that. Healing begins with hope, let’s discover it together.